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Opined October 7, 2005
A Naked Girl on the Appian Way by Richard Greenberg, Directed by Doug Hughes (Doubt, Defiance, Touch of the Poet, Last Easter, Beard
of Avon)
WithJill Clayburgh, Richard Thomas, Matthew Morrison, Susan Kelechi Watson, James Yaegashi, Leslie Ayvazian, Ann Guilbert
Set Design – John Lee Beatty (Doubt, Defiance, Color Purple, Costume Design – Catherine Zuber, Lighting Design – Peter Kaczorowski
(Grey Gardens, Twentieth Century, Wonderful Town, Pajama Game)
Roundabout - American Airlines Theater – Through December 13
If you want to see an actor show you why there should be more shows that include older women in their lineup, then go see this show. No, kids, I
‘m not talking about Jill Clayburgh. I’m talking about Ann Guilbert. You probably don’t know her name, but if I told you she played Millie, the kind
and semi-dingy neighbor of Rob and Laura Petrie (Dick van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore) you might remember her. You might also be surprised to
find out she was still alive and capable of performing on any stage whatsoever. Well, she is capable and confident and snatches your attention every
moment. Her performance and the set on which it occurs make this show, well, almost endurable.
This play is the story of a rich white couple (what a surprise) – both writers - who do a lot of fretting about life, she over the salad she is endlessly
preparing and he about his notes for a talk on Art and It’s Effect on Business. Guilbert, who plays an off kilter elder visiting her daughter in law,
interrupts them. Thank God. The joke is that Guilbert has walked into the wrong house without knowing it. But, unless these are the grandest
track houses in the world, it’s hard to believe she would mistake this wonder of a dwelling for any other. Nevermind. She swoops, pronounces
motherhood an ENORMOUS mistake, reveals that she never liked her son in spite of the fact that he never had a mother’s love, and complains that
he left her as an entailment to his wife who she also doesn’t like. And out she goes, like the bad witch that she is, leaving a trail of sparkling air
molecules for the rest of the cast to use. Too bad they don’t.
The GOOD parents are left onstage waiting the arrival of their beautiful children. The 20-something children arrive. All adopted. Each a different
race. Within about 30 seconds the audience knows that the daughter and one of the sons have fallen in love on their trip to Europe. When revealed,
this upsets the parents and the sulking self centered third child. This is upsetting and shocking and disappointing and frustrating and inconsiderate
and affront to the God and neighbors and must not be tolerated because well it just can’t be. Only it can, and it’s done, and there is a baby to boot.
Grimace, shrug, gasp, exit stage left in a rage, enter stage right in a huff, blink-blink-blink, gape, pace, sit. In the end we don’t buy Clayburgh and
Thomas as a married couple and can only hope that there is more to their children than what we see on that stage. We don’t get the love that
everyone says they feel for one another. We don’t even know why they like each other. The only one we like is Guilbert who can’t stand the rest
of them including her dead son. What an entertaining play it might have been – had it been her story.
This is the third play I have seen by Richard Greenberg (Take Me Out and The Violet Hour) and I have liked none of them. I find his stories have
no substance. They start off with a premise that is mildly interesting and then whip around in circles like a hot-rodder in an empty parking lot. The
characters are watery representations that remind you of real people that you maybe once heard about. And the dialogue is like leftover food that
stays a little too long in the ice box because, even after you take a bite, you’re not certain what it’s supposed to be.
As well, I have seen other plays directed by Doug Hughes (Doubt, Beard of Avon) which I have very much enjoyed. He creates shows that are
precise without being locked into place. This was one that that got away from him. How it even found its way into the theatre, however, is the real
mystery.
Oh - almost forgot - why this title, one might ask? Because there was this statue of a naked girl in Rome, see, and the kids saw it on their trip to
Europe only, and like you can hardly even believe this but Mom and Dad saw the very same statue when they went to Europe! Pretty incredible,
yes? Have anything to do with the story?
I rest my case.